Are You There, George Michael? It’s Me, Big Sis

Miss Bliss bows before the theological and musical knowledge of her Big Sis, who today comments on a living demigod legend…

Attempting to describe the greatness that is George Michael is a bit like trying to understand and articulate the greatness of God. How can we, mere mortals, even begin to comprehend Him, much less articulate His divinity to another human being? (I am speaking here of both God and George Michael.)

Adherents of religion turn to their sacred texts, believing that through them the unsearchable God has made Himself known. In a similar manner, George Michael has given us His music and His videos, that we may know Him better and come to love Him more fully.

Over the decades, George Michael spoke to His people in various ways. The Wham! years were fond for many, but I must admit that I remained unconverted until “Faith” dropped in 1987. The lead single from that album, “I Want Your Sex,” created a jihad of sorts within my family of origin. This song—and its accompanying video—would not be tolerated in my parents’ presence, despite the fact that it was essentially Song of Solomon written for an ’80s audience. But not even Mother Superior could avert her eyes from the screen a few months later, as the jeans-clad crooner shook His Holy Temple in the album’s titular song. In “Father Figure,” Michael affirmed His desire to be your Preacher/Teacher (Anything You Had in Mind), and assured you that He would be the One who loves you until the end of time.

And who could forget the striking call to repentance that is “Monkey?”

As one YouTube commenter astutely observed, Michael is channeling “Sexy Amish” with His crisp white shirt, suspenders, and sassy black chapeau. But I love the way He works it here. His dance moves don’t get any better than the ones expressed in the song’s instrumental interlude beginning at 1:45.

Fast forward to the early ’90s, the “Listen without Prejudice Vol 1.” years. In the video for “Freedom ’90,” Michael sent a legion of angels to proclaim His message. George Michael and ’90s Supermodels, does it get any better than this? Why, yes, YES IT DOES.

George Michael and MORE ’90s Supermodels.

Words fail me. “Too Funky” is one of the best videos of all time. After viewing it again, I have been brought into a religious frenzy. Catwoman being all fierce and tearing up the runway…Linda Evangelista and her beautiful bird neck…the motorcycle corset… …even a baby Tyra. It’s all too much—I am overcome by the Spirit of George. I pray that God would loosen my tongue that I may once again sing of George Michael’s praises. But for now, brothers and sisters, I will ask you, what’s your George Michael testimony? Preach it in the Comments.

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About missblissindc

Miss Bliss lives, works, and reminisces about the golden age of her youth in the Midwest from the DC area. She’s a Scorpio, but only in the good senses of that term. To share your 1980s/1990s mem’ries, e-mail missblissindc@gmail.com.
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10 Responses to Are You There, George Michael? It’s Me, Big Sis

  1. I love that, because of the “Too Sexy” video, I thought FOR YEARS that the line, “Would you like me to seduce you? Is that what you’re trying to tell me” was from that video itself, and not from cinematic masterpiece “The Graduate.”

    I love that George Michael’s hair–more than that of any other ’80s/’90s celebrity–made me want to explore highlights and “frosted” locks.

    I love that “Freedom ’90s” still makes me shake it on the elliptical.

    And finally, I love that to this day, I think of George Michael as what a Ken or “Derek” doll would really be like if brought to life.

  2. Big Sis says:

    Hey Editrix, can you capitalize the pronoun in the third paragraph so it reads “His people?” I missed that one capitalization and it’s driving me nuts…it feels very reckless, and I do not mean to dishonor Him in any way. (Speaking of George Michael, again)

  3. I will proudly say I own Wham in China betamax, can’t play it now but it was cool back in the day. I always was an Andrew Ridgely girl and my cousin loved George.

    I have fond memories of I want your sex though — made out with the cutest guy to that song.

  4. Aleksandra says:

    if i had a dollar for every time i listened to Wham! perform “wake me up before you go-go” or “last christmas” i would be a very, very rich lady.

    thanks for helping the memories come flooding back!

    aleksandra
    follow our foster: loveandaleash.wordpress.com

  5. Aleksandra says:

    oh, and i made my husband dress as george michael for halloween this year– complete with acid-washed tight jeans, cropped leather jacket, aviators, and dangle cross earring (a la Faith)

  6. cleveronlinename9750 says:

    Let us not forget the Faith sunglasses. Who didn’t want their current, young adolescent crush wearing Ray Bans after seeing Him wear ’em right.

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