From time to time, we here at Zack Morris Cell Phone will present “Late to the Party Product Reviews” to give you the insider scoop on the hottest products and trends of days gone by. The first in this series is the Love’s Scent Collection.
So, what happens when you combine Miss Bliss, a new blog platform, frigid temperatures, and a bit too much eBay? You get the recent purchase of a vintage Love’s scent collection, that’s what!
Thanks to a packrat in Minnesota who held on to these four perfumes from 1988 until just a few days ago for reasons unknown, your editrix is now the proud owner of Love’s Rain Scent, Fresh Lemon, Jasmine Mist, White Vanilla and yes…Love’s Baby Soft!
Back in the day, Love’s Baby Soft wafted through my elementary school hallways, a gentle and powdery indicator of the wearer’s trendiness and status as an official cosmetics consumer. Only the scent of Aqua Net brings back more vivid scent memories than Baby Soft. However, the Fresh Lemon was also a big part of my pre-adolescent beauty routine, which also consisted of Dr. Pepper or bubble gum Lip Smackers and the occasional coat of clear nail polish. (We’ll stop talking about my beauty rituals because I really am not ready to tell y’all about a rather unfortunate bangs-only perm I rocked in sixth grade.) Anyway, let’s get back on track.
Alas, we all “grew out” of this childhood favorite, and apparently Love’s producer Dana stopped making the original scent collection sometime in the 1990s. Thank goodness for eBay! I cannot wait to bust this stuff out and put some on and see what Mr. Belding thinks of…of…oh. Oh. Oh wait, this is not good…
Let’s just say that time has not been gentle to this particular set o’ scents. The Rain stuff, which used to smell borderline-questionable even though I liked the idea of smelling like rain, now smells like straight bug spray. (And trust, as a camper of 10 summers and a camp staffer of three summers, I know from bug spray.)
Jasmine Mist, which does take home the title for Best Bottle of the bunch, nonetheless smells like old lady. And not butterscotch-and-yarn old lady, but five cats and piled up newspapers old lady. Moving on…
Lemon! How bad can it be, right? I mean, lemon is lemon. Well, this Lemon is more “Pledge” than “fruit.”
White Vanilla: Surprisingly, the best of the bunch. Smells like a cookie. But for a refined, ladylike scent, there is only one, and that is Vanilla Fields. (Oh yes, that will be coming up someday.)
Finally, Love’s Baby Soft. The classic. The perfume you saved your babysitting money to buy. The scent your super-cool babysitter wore! Surely, surely this will smell sweet and powdery and soft and good.
Sigh. I’m devestated to report that it has officially “turned,” and can at best be described as a dollar-store Febreeze alternative.
So, the best I can say for this review is: These products are best enjoyed with your scent memory, and not your actual senses in the present tense. Another tip that I can pass on is that maybe you shouldn’t get too eager to rip these out of their mailing packet and start opening and sniffing the bottles while you’re sitting in routine traffic congestion on the Southwest Freeway. Because I don’t care how slow you’re going, you might spill a little too much Baby Soft onto your gloved wrist, and then later the guy in the elevator at your boyfriend’s condo building might look at you funny.
And also, your boyfriend might have to ask you “why you smell like that.”