Profiles in ’90s Health Food: Bagel Bites

“Pizza in the mornin’/pizza in the evenin’/pizza at suppertime…when pizza’s on a bagel, you can eat pizza anytime!”

That’s right, folks. Pizza is healthy and appropriate for consumption first thing in the morning if you put it on top of a healthy bagel. Because in the ’80s and ’90s, bagels were health food…provided the cream cheese was low-fat. You with me?

Please don’t get me wrong, fellow carb-lovers. I am by no means urging you to avoid eating pizza OR bagels OR Bagel Bites. After all, the reason I’m blogging about this today is because it’s Wednesday, and for me and my co-workers, that means free-bagels-in-the-staff-lounge day.

After first waiting for my sister to avert her eyes…(pause)…I am also reminiscing that in my early 20s there was no better way up “off the floor,” so to speak, than a tempting tray of Bagel Bites before popping a few ibuprofen, drinking as much water as I could hold, leaving my mascara on, and heading off toward the general direction of bed.

Today I am delighting in a time when bagels were health food, and Bagel Bites were sold as breakfast fare. I’m also delighting in the “WTF” moment of the above video, at :09, when that scary girl drops a double eyebrow-raise. What’s up with that? It’s as if she knows the announcer is about to tell us that Bagel Bites are “wholesome.”

And now if you’ll excuse me, I’m about to throw elbows to get the last of the regular cream cheese packets…


About missblissindc

Miss Bliss lives, works, and reminisces about the golden age of her youth in the Midwest from the DC area. She’s a Scorpio, but only in the good senses of that term. To share your 1980s/1990s mem’ries, e-mail
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2 Responses to Profiles in ’90s Health Food: Bagel Bites

  1. Big Sis says:

    Hilarious post! I can hear the ad jingle in my head and I haven’t even checked out the YouTube vid yet.

  2. Big Sis says:

    I also need to add that these were served at my high school open house in 1995 and at the time they were considered a fairly classy hors d’ouevre. I can only imagine what delicacies Mom might have served at an open house had I only obtained my GED. Hot Pockets? But Jim Gaffigan has pretty much exhausted that topic of all its jokes.

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